I have a wig for every single person in the office.– Dwight Schrute- (via pamnjim)
snorlaxatives: my life is kind of like an infomercial because i suck at everything i do
elphabaforpresidentofgallifrey: 221bitssmallerontheoutside: jeffskins: jeffskins: A CUTE BOY JUST TOLD ME I LOOKED NICE TODAY, WE ARE GETTING MARRIED UPDATE: HE DOESN’T LIKE HOCKEY, WE ARE GETTING A DIVORCE That is the most Canadian reason for a divorce I have ever seen.
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity...– Mark Twain (via wordsthat-speak)
Listen to the voice in the back of your head which tells you, as much out of...– Chelsea Fagan (via quotecatalog)
starxapple: starxapple: my grandpa has a date tonight and hes really old and in a wheelchair and has to drag around this breathing machine but hes just sitting there waiting for the hospice shuttle to take him to pick up his date and he looks suPER EXCITED and its the cutest thing ive ever seen update he came home and i asked him how it went and he said, “i should have taken an extra tank...